The Virginia Monologues: The ABC's of MT

Better late than never...

A is for Amini. As in Ashley's dad Rex for supplying us with such a luxe place to relax for a few days.

B is for Bigfork, which really isn't so big. It's a darling little town on the banks of Flathead Lake. April, which seems like spring to me, isn't really considered spring in Montana, though. We pretty much had the run of the place as we strolled from shop to shop, causing a scene pretty much wherever we went. Par for the course, actually. Here I am, "generally kickin' it," as Alicia would say, during our visit to town.

C is for crack balls. Mushroom cap + cream cheese + jalepeno + bacon, stuffed and grilled = yum.

D is for Daters. Dr. Andy Daters. The only male to join us on this adventure. David was originally scheduled to accompany us as well, but when the dates of the trip were changed due to a broken pipe, he wasn't able to go. Andy was a great sport, putting up with endless female chatter and stories I'm sure he wishes he'd never heard. At least his eyes got a good workout from all the rolling I'm sure they did!

E is for "economy class" sucks. I spent a four hour flight from Atlanta to Salt Lake City wedged between a family with three little boys who vomited a combined total of ten times during the flight. Worst flight of my life, hands down. Needless to say, when offered the chance to upgrade to first class on my return flight, I took it.

F is for fly fishing, which Andy was able to do in the river directly behind the house. And which Leigh, Ashley, and Alicia were able to talk about. A lot.

G is for gourmet grub, courtesy of Ashley. She raised the bar of menu planning, with a grocery list spreadsheet like none I've ever seen before. Truly a work of art, organizationally-speaking. The food she cooked was delicious, especially the breakfast tacos! I loved serving as her sous-chef and enjoyed the well-stocked kitchen, even if nothing was stored where we thought it should be! We also ate some excellent meals out, including lunch at Loula's in Whitefish. The pie was perfection.

H is for huckleberry martini, a delicious concoction found at Invite, where we enjoyed dinner on our last evening in Bigfork.

I is for imitating Ashley's "signature move."

J is for Jennifer Jolie, action star. Have you seen shots of Angelina Jolie's new film where she's scaling a wall? Well she's got nothing on me, as evidenced by my skillful climbing of the wall of the house in order to sneak a peak at the much-talked-about-and-admired master suite. Alas, all my stunt work got me was a glimpse of the closet.

K is for Kalispell, the "big city"of the Flathead Valley. It has grown since my last visit and now boasts a Target, a giant movie theatre (which is more than I can say about Charlottesville), and a fantastic sporting goods store where I picked up a new winter jacket on sale. North Face at 50% off is too good to pass up. There was also a huge moose statue out front, perfect for a photo shoot.

L is for Leigh's llama. And Ashley's too, but her name doesn't start with L. This llama, named Dolly (of course), has traveled the globe - and has the photos to prove it. She's the "Flat Stanley" of the animal kingdom. Someday she aspires to own a bar (called Dolly's, naturally) where all of her souvenir snapshots will be displayed. Here's a shot of her, looking a wee bit worse for the wear.

M is for mountains. Spectacular snow-capped mountains right out the window, playing hide and seek with us as the clouds would roll in and then dissipate.

N is for nest and the never-before seen sight of one choosing to sleep on a bathroom floor. That would be Alicia, who uses pillows and blankets to build a bed smack dab in front of the wall heater in the bathroom. She claims she sleeps great there. Her hips, however, don't agree (see the letter O below).

O is for old, which is what we apparently are. Between sore shoulders, backs, knees, and hips, we're looking like good candidates for either joint replacement or the nursing home.

P is for poker. Texas Hold-'Em, which is very boring once you lose all your chips.

Q is for questions. Of which there were many, as we sought to cram in a year's worth of conversation into four days. Given our words per minute speed, however, we were able to cover pretty much everything!

R is for the Roadhouse. Oh I had heard tales of the Roadhouse over the years, but nothing could have prepared me for the actual experience. A colorful cast of local characters, a rustic setting, and Saturday night karaoke all combined for one memorable evening.

S is for scarves, which as I always say, are the accesory-lovers' best friend. Once again they provided me with a plethora of headwrap options.

T is for "Thriller," which Callie performed with great gusto - and killer moves! - at the Roadhouse.

U is for ubiquitous "dripping bear art," most commonly found in mountainous regions of the U.S.

V is for ventriliquist. Callie and I got all 'Sound of Music" with the animal carcasses artfully draped over the upstairs railing. I believe a mink and some type of large cat performed a wicked rendition of "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree." let's just say PETA would not have approved.

W is for winter, which is what season Montana is still experiencing in April. It was cold and snowy.

X is for x-ray machines at the Kalispell airport, for which I had to make a mad dash at 5 am for my return flight.

Y is for yearning for another trip already. I love our annual tradition, but I miss seeing these girls more often.

Z is for zany. Pretty much the perfect adjective for this crew.